Playing with fire and taking chances.

I may or may not have some big decisions and changes coming my way. And it’s looking like it’s all probably going to happen. To paint a better picture…these changes will consist of a move and they concern my life with the person I love. Sorry for the cryptic ramblings, but I feel it’s best in this case.

My big thing with it all is that as I’ve mentioned many times I have the best mental health support system here, better than I have ever had before in my life. The idea of being away from it petrifies me. I don’t want to jeopardize my stability or lose what I have here. I feel like I am playing with fire. I am aware of where my heart lies in it all, it’s just the details and the backlash that comes with them.

I have worked so hard and been through so much in the last eight months alone to get where I am. I am good, and I’m finally secure enough to say it. I’m trying to locate the line between being realistic and making responsible choices, and not letting what I have dictate my life.

This is one of those moments where I wish feel like I need the wisdom of someone who goes through what I do. What I am getting from my loved ones (that I have spoken to) is that I shouldn’t let this “hold me back,” so to speak. But, the fact of the matter is that they don’t get it. It’s not a leap for them, it’s a leap for me. They don’t see it because they don’t feel and they don’t fight my fights. I hate sounding like a bratty teenager “nobody understands me!” But, you know sometimes it is just that.

 

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