I’ve been good lately…too good.
One thing about having a war waging in your mind is accepting the cease fire. It’s like when someone starts being too nice to you and you sense there is something behind it. I have wondered if I’m not slightly elevated. As I have said before, my mania has never been a big thing. Until about a year ago I didn’t even realize that was what I was going through when it did happen. I had to learn to recognize it.
These days when things are going good, and evened out for the most part, I do everything I can not to jinx it. I want to bring it up to my loved ones, I want to share it but I try hard not to. When someone else brings it up I cringe and recoil. Don’t talk about it, it’ll hear you and it’ll flee.
It feel like I am walking on eggshells. I try not to get ahead of myself and forget what I just came out of. The higher you fly the farther you fall, right?
I have moments where I forget about everything, and I cherish every bit of stability. But, letting go of the need to always be on guard will take time and effort.