Possibly one of the most annoying barriers of trying to explain and express this mess is the idea of cause and effect. Yes there are plenty of causes for some of the effects of bipolar, we’re talking external causes that end up causing a bipolar stir. And there are normal everyday issues that are just that and and do not branch any further.
When an episode rears its ugly head its easy for others to connect it to the closest thing that they deem a logical cause. Once that connection is made that’s usually it for them. But, the fact of the matter is that bipolar behaves like a nasty middle school girl that starts talking shit for no reason. I’m sure you’ve known one.
Once the connection is made I don’t think it can be broken for them, its there. Once it is brought to my attention I begin to second guess myself. I think “oh wow all of this is because of that? You weakling.” It’s a lot of back and forth. I know that it just happens sometimes, but it does also get hard to stand my ground and not let myself start to believe otherwise.
I’m not saying I’m this all knowing wise entity trapped inside a 22 year old female brain, but it does take outside of the box thinking to try and understand. And a lot of the time it takes going on good faith about certain things, it takes letting go of the logical. I can’t explain what goes on in my head, I don’t even understand it sometimes.
Sometimes its all a headache, sometimes its a migraine.