Day I don’t give a shit: Emptiness, loss of interest, depression and general bipolar fuckery
Sloth’s must have some kind of major depressive mood disorder, because that is exactly what I have felt like the past few days. Everything has felt so slow, my brain, my movements, the world around me. I have no energy to speak of. I have pushed myself so hard, maybe too hard, all weekend. When I face everyday “normal people” problems, I can usually find a way to pick myself up or distract myself. Sometimes just thinking about getting out and doing something that makes me happy helps. The past few days nothing has sounded like it would provide any relief whatsoever. The things I love to do are unappealing and sound like work. Which, obviously, has affected my writing and posting. I don’t know where to go from here. I can’t envision myself moving forward. I don’t see things changing from what they are now. When I lay in bed at night trying to get to sleep, I picture myself slowly sinking into my mattress until it begins to fold and eventually swallows me whole so that I am no more. Nothing. Not an entity of any kind. It’s times like these that make me think I belong on a funny farm.